Posted by: hugapoohlouise | January 21, 2014

Prayer….

I always write the word “prayer” with some serious issues in my life.  I’ve struggled with my prayer life, since forever.  From the time I was a little girl attending children’s church with aunts and uncles until today when I stand before you as a child of God, as an adult.

I’ve struggled, I wrestled, I’ve considered myself a failure, I’ve walked away from the command to pray with a sense of guilt so big that it appeared immeasurable to me.  Have you?  Trust me, I won’t judge or share your story with anyone else.  I just want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle with prayer.  I’ve even stopped praying and giving it the old push under the rug as the conviction has ate me up.

I can remember my little girl prayers “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.”  I use to pray these words every night as a young girl.  I had to pray this prayer in a certain way each night.  Why, I feared if I changed up anything the Lord would not hear me.  Can you relate?  Apparently, when I was a little girl I was very scared of fires and tornadoes.  I use to end my lay me down to sleep prayer with “Please, Lord don’t let there be any tornadoes and fires.”.  Interesting, I just now remembered that.  Now, we did live in Michigan, and we did have a fire near our house as a kid that burned 1,000’s of acres and my family was evacuated.

I don’t remember any prayers from my teenage years, could it be as a teen I thought I had all the answers and I was living my life totally out of control?  I would have to say yes.  I am sure there were times when I prayed, “Lord, let so and so like me, etc.”  But no prayers that stand out.  Nope, not one.

Then as I became an adult I remember a few prayers, but nothing spectacular.  Just the little prayers, to have food in my mouth, clothes on my back, etc.  Help, prayers.  Prayers to pass this test or exam.  For jobs and degrees.

But, after I became a mom and a child of the One True King, my prayers changed.  Walking with Jesus for 14 years, I have only heard one message preached on prayer.  It wasn’t a long message and it was taken from the book of Matthew, chapter 5 or 6.  I’ve always been commanded by the man standing behind the pulpit to pray, the Word of God tells me to pray without ceasing.  But, my cry has always been if you don’t know how to pray, how can you pray correctly.

When you have children who rely on you, especially when they are babes’ your prayers change into something different don’t they?  I prayed before I came to know that Jesus died for me as you can see from above and I prayed after I came to know Jesus died for me.  Was there a difference?  Yes.

This blog post is an ongoing story and journey.  I shared about Tara Furman’s book “Intimacy With God, Your Daily Guide to Prayer” in my review a few weeks back.   I am currently reading Gina Duke’s book “Organizing Your Prayer Closet, A New and Life-Changing Way to Pray”.  I want to share with my readers a look into my very own prayer life before the Lord lead me to learn for myself what prayer is, how to pray and how He wants me to pray, etc.  So stay tuned as we journey through prayer and learn what the Word of God says about it.

Until Next Time,

M

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Hey Melissa,
    Interesting that you should mention always saying “Now I lay me down to sleep…” as a child. That is exactly what I would say every night. Not out of reverence for God, but because I felt like it just warded off something terrible. A nightly ritual, like tucking all my body in the covers so that nothing could touch me during the night. My prayers have matured and morphed so much now that I am seeking to live for Jesus. That doesn’t mean I do it well, but I do it much more often and with conviction that God can do anything and will, if it is his will. I just don’t want my prayer life to be a check mark for the day. I don’t want to just “get ‘r done”, so to speak. Sometimes I pray and feel so close to God and sometimes I feel like I am talking to myself. God is still there, still listening. I wish I was more faithful at it though. As I was reading your bog I smiled a little because I was glad I am not the only one. Thank you for sharing, so that I didn’t feel alone in this journey to a wonderful prayer life!
    In Christ,
    Jen

    • Jen:
      Yes, I know exactly what you mean about praying this prayer so that I felt as if I met some requirement and I would be safe. A ritual. BUT I am so thankful that He found us and He brought us to Him in truth and now I can leave behind the rituals, aren’t you?
      I am so glad the Lord used me to share my story with, so we can know we are not alone.
      Have a blessed week and thank you again for your kind words.
      M


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: