I always write the word “prayer” with some serious issues in my life. I’ve struggled with my prayer life, since forever. From the time I was a little girl attending children’s church with aunts and uncles until today when I stand before you as a child of God, as an adult.
I’ve struggled, I wrestled, I’ve considered myself a failure, I’ve walked away from the command to pray with a sense of guilt so big that it appeared immeasurable to me. Have you? Trust me, I won’t judge or share your story with anyone else. I just want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle with prayer. I’ve even stopped praying and giving it the old push under the rug as the conviction has ate me up.
I can remember my little girl prayers “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.” I use to pray these words every night as a young girl. I had to pray this prayer in a certain way each night. Why, I feared if I changed up anything the Lord would not hear me. Can you relate? Apparently, when I was a little girl I was very scared of fires and tornadoes. I use to end my lay me down to sleep prayer with “Please, Lord don’t let there be any tornadoes and fires.”. Interesting, I just now remembered that. Now, we did live in Michigan, and we did have a fire near our house as a kid that burned 1,000’s of acres and my family was evacuated.
I don’t remember any prayers from my teenage years, could it be as a teen I thought I had all the answers and I was living my life totally out of control? I would have to say yes. I am sure there were times when I prayed, “Lord, let so and so like me, etc.” But no prayers that stand out. Nope, not one.
Then as I became an adult I remember a few prayers, but nothing spectacular. Just the little prayers, to have food in my mouth, clothes on my back, etc. Help, prayers. Prayers to pass this test or exam. For jobs and degrees.
But, after I became a mom and a child of the One True King, my prayers changed. Walking with Jesus for 14 years, I have only heard one message preached on prayer. It wasn’t a long message and it was taken from the book of Matthew, chapter 5 or 6. I’ve always been commanded by the man standing behind the pulpit to pray, the Word of God tells me to pray without ceasing. But, my cry has always been if you don’t know how to pray, how can you pray correctly.
When you have children who rely on you, especially when they are babes’ your prayers change into something different don’t they? I prayed before I came to know that Jesus died for me as you can see from above and I prayed after I came to know Jesus died for me. Was there a difference? Yes.
This blog post is an ongoing story and journey. I shared about Tara Furman’s book “Intimacy With God, Your Daily Guide to Prayer” in my review a few weeks back. I am currently reading Gina Duke’s book “Organizing Your Prayer Closet, A New and Life-Changing Way to Pray”. I want to share with my readers a look into my very own prayer life before the Lord lead me to learn for myself what prayer is, how to pray and how He wants me to pray, etc. So stay tuned as we journey through prayer and learn what the Word of God says about it.
Until Next Time,